Another Reason LeBron Should Sign With Portland

The moment has finally arrived. After two years of speculation, anticipation, and, more than anything, hype, the world will know where LeBron James will play the next few years in a few measly hours. There will be a television special. There will be an announcement. There will be hats on a table, or logos on a dartboard, or some assortment of a bull, a fire, a boat, a colonial dutchman, and a man on a horse in order to visually aid The Decision. I have no idea which one he will choose, but I know which one he should choose, and it's none of the above.

In a last second effort to get LeBron to join the Blazers (Salary caps and complications be damned!), Portland should play up one of its most interesting industries: Strip Clubs. Union Jack's, The Viewpoint, The Landing Strip, and The Acropolis. There's a myriad (actually, closer to 50) more where that came from. Portland has more strip clubs per capita than everywhere except Springfield, OR. Luckily, Springfield does not have a professional basketball franchise.

When you combine the reasons we've already covered with this tantalizing tidbit, it becomes a no-brainer. Sure, New York and Miami have beautiful women, but are they all as scantily clad as the gals of Portland? Doubtful. Ok, maybe Miami. And Chicago? Contrary to popular belief, Joakhim Noah is a guy, so don't play that card. Cleveland? Too much family and friends around, it might get awkward were he to run into someone he knows. That's why the best locale for LeBron to announce tonight, from both a social and a basketball standpoint, would be here in Portland.

What's better than having a cold one with the guys after a long day at the arena? Following it up with nudity.